Dear Friends,
I bet you're wondering why I'm writing this afternoon. I wanted to talk to you about your approach and its impact of influencing Christians. Whether on Twitter or Facebook or out in the community, you are going to come across some Christians. It is just inevitable.
I'm mainly writing to you who were never in the church. Yes, that does mean you have a lot less guilt-sorting and drama, but it also means you might be at a disadvantage when talking to Christians. It's hard to understand the other side when you've been (thankfully) on the side of rhetoric, skepticism and common sense.
I wish I had learned about Darwin from a teacher and been like "yeah, that sounds about right." Instead, I learned the name Darwin in the same breath as "Evolutionist truth hating secularists."
And you probably had sex for the first time and were like "that was fun, I enjoyed that, good condom choice." Instead, I was like "I think we need to confess this in church, I hate myself! It felt so good, but I'm so disgusting."
Yeah, I know. Ex-evangelicals are a bit messed up and probably not going to be exactly the same. I know because I am one of them! But it might help me (now) to talk to Christians and see where they are coming from.
So today, my heathen friends, I want to give you a list of Do's and Don'ts. Why? Well, probably because of the propensity for Christians to frame their whole lives around lists of rules and it still feels natural! (should possibly mention that to my therapist.)
Do's and Don'ts of Talking to Christians about their Faith
1. Don't assume that they are ignorant about science because they are believers
I mean, this is completely possible. But I don't think I had a disdain for science or huge ignorance about whether science worked while I was a Christian. And that actually helped me get out of the idea of Creationism pretty quickly! I mean, science is a great subject to bring up and can usually bridge a gap because its testable and verifiable.
2. Do ask questions about science and basic idea of what is testable. Despite a giant Ark Encounter park and fake scientist Ken Ham's notoriety, I don't think most Christians are Young Earth Creationists. For myself, I knew the earth wasn't 6000 years old, I just wasn't sure how it all fit together.
3. Don't attack their well wishes and messages that have nothing to do with religion. This is annoying to me. I'm going through Twitter and all a Christian said was "my thoughts and prayers are with you," or "God Bless" etc. And some Atheist armchair activist will say "I don't believe in God!" or attack the idea of Thoughts and prayers. Usually, this is not an attempt to convert you, its just their second nature and they don't realize they are doing it.
4. Don't assume that every Christian adheres to the same Fundamentalism as the groups that you love to hate. A large amount of Christians are LGBTQ supporters, even if their church is not. In fact, every single Christian in that church probably has a different view on a number of subjects. I went to a church that preached YEC and biblical marriage but I was not the only one that didn't agree with that. I was leaning towards pro-choice but didn't care who married who and thought anyone should be able to believe what they wanted.
5. Do ask them about their faith and get into the reasons they personally believe! Usually, belief in God will be deeply personal and they can share how they came to that decision. (Even if it makes no logical sense to you.) Most adults who grew up in the church are not still forced to be in it (although some are) but most made a decision in adulthood to stay. And it is more complicated than that. Maybe they left their home church and then bounced around etc.
6. Don't assume everyone is in a cult where they sit around and have no fun. I had a blast in High School. We were always going to Six Flags, water parks, bonfires, game nights (mafia etc) summer camp (which was fun) and I enjoyed singing as well as simply being with awesome friends. People are rarely held in a church by a chain. In my experience, it was my whole sense of community. And not everyone is a prude. There's exciting crushes, romance, juicy gossip, divorce, cheating etc.
7. Do ask about what they love about their church and their sense of community. Don't bash the idea of community. Ask about what things they like to do, who's cooking sucks at potlocks, their favorite hymn, favorite secular music, movies. In my experience, Christians have good taste in beers and wine. Those who enjoy studying Greek in their spare time certainly know how to get a Beer aficionados magazine and find a highly rated IPA.
8. Don't simply swear at them. Look everyone, I grew up in a secular household and my dad was the best swearer in the entire world. My swear vocabulary is pretty sound. It would not bother me at all and I'd just match you. But for a lot of Christians, that is when the conversation ends. I see this all the time on Atheist Talk Shows. It is completely unhelpful and cuts off communication. It might be therapeutic for you, but what's the point if it simply stops the dialogue? Just a thought.
9. Don't assume they have no life outside of church. Even if their profile picture is him/her hugging the cross and holding a lamb, that is how they are presenting themselves. Its not necessarily the reality. And once you get to know them better, you find out that's a persona that they use in public.
10. Do discuss how religion has effected you personally. If you have a story about how a Church hurt you, or how an anti-LGBTQ Christian made you upset, or how a chauvinistic Christian bothered you, share that with them! Perhaps they can't see what certain rhetoric is doing to the rest of the world because of the Christian bubble! It brings out your humanity as well as their own. And that's important.
Churches look like bunches of identical, cookie cutter Christians. I assure you they aren't. They are communities of people from various cross-sections of every group. Sometimes they look alike culturally, but each is an individual worth talking to!
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