The Insincereity of Christian love

"Thank you so much, I will pay you back when I can!"
"Don't worry about it, it's not me doing it. It's because of Christ. Not me."


"What a generous donation to our mission! Thank you so much."
"Don't thank me, thank God. He is doing it. Not me."


"You saved that elderly man from a car fire! You are a hero!"
"No, I'm no hero. It was only through Christ."


I'll be blunt. the crux of the statements above are: I would have never done it without God coaxing me to do it.


This is why Christians assume atheists are devoid of goodness. Because they think they do good deeds because of Christ. And apparently, ONLY because of Christ. In other words, they would be sitting at home saying "screw you" to humanity and being selfish. That's the impression I get. Eat, drink, for tomorrow we die.


Oh it gets worse. How many missionaries did I meet that had the same story. "I was a corporate banker on Wall Street when I was saved and I turned my life around and served Jesus!" Or, "I was working at a 6-figure job and trying to live the American dream, 3 cars, credit cards, fancy vacations. Then Jesus reached into my life."


In other words, I was a jerk. Now, I'm saved and can finally do good. And they CANNOT imagine someone doing good outside of being a Christian. Because when they were "unsaved" they lived in complete selfishness.


Or at least that's what they are telling you. It's all a mirage. In fact, talking to them, they weren't monsters before or after coming to Christ. The corporate banker had 5 kids who I met, all well adjusted and kind people. He had gotten into an ivy league school on a sports scholarship and worked his ass off balancing everything. And had found a great rhythm in a tiresome corporate job! He had the energy to do anything.


Another example is of a person close to my heart. After nursing school, she spent a year in Appalachia at a clinic serving some of the poorest people in the United States. She was an accomplished  musician and pursued a side hobby of aviation. When she started going to church, she gave all her credit to Christ. But I could see her heart and passion was in Kentucky where she had cared for people as a secular nurse.


This is the circular nature of thought that Christians MUST enter to properly claim a close relationship with Christ. All their deeds that show how they naturally show love are attributed to Christ. As if "Christ" has no real value... except a reflection of what people do anyways.


It is a step in the process of denying the basic love and goodness of people and superimposing "God." And its maddening. What value can we place on the entity: God?


Look at some of the most basic hymns and worship songs and you will see "self-abasement." We are wretched, lost, sheep, sinners, broken, hurt, sad, dying, hopeless... And we sing about a God that is infinitely everything we are not... loving, caring, sweet, gentle, moral...


I can't speak for everyone. But this dynamic created a deep self-loathing. I credited Christ with every good deed because I believed myself incapable of doing anything positive. I hate everything that I did outside of Christ and thought it was a waste of time. And that includes: self care. What was the point of focusing on myself at all.


Combined with my clinical depression, the gospel made me sink deeper. Everything felt insincere that I wasn't doing in his "power." I was constantly trying to "stay right with God" because otherwise... I was that same failed, disgusting, sinful creation that I was before Christ's love.


Christ's love... a blanket statement that I accepted and tried to emulate. Despite the fact that this was human love!


We have the ability to Love in ways that this Christian love cannot even fathom! And that starts with the ability to love ourselves!!!!


We have the ability to give ourselves self care, self-realization and boost ourselves up instead of bashing. We have the love inside us that exists because of our giant, amazing socially-wired evolved brains! We have sincere love that transcends every barrier that religion can't even touch.


I can love because I have love inside me. Not an outside benign force that acts.


I can love my family, my kids, my neighbor. I can love the person who asks for money or help. I can give of my time and abilities! I can look at someone who I don't even agree with and love them with a love that Christ would spurn. I don't ask them to "get right with my line of morality." I simply give an expression of love.


Christian love can't transcend the barriers that it puts up. It can't love LGBTQ identifying people because it has rules against that. I can! I can love them and fight for their rights!


Christian love can't love people from religions it deems false. Not fully. There's always the hitch: do it so they see our love and want what we have!


Christian love can't see through the cultural patriarchal barriers it creates! It can't bring full love to half the population it deems as "less than" (women.) It can't preach entrenched inferiority and then try to lift women up.


Christian love can't simply love without hidden motive. The bible doesn't allow that. There's always a push for conversion and obedience. Otherwise... you are doing things in your own power...


Which we are! Which they are, they just don't realize it.
Love like a human today!